Last weekend, while visiting my parents, I did something I haven’t done in years: I mindlessly flipped through cable channels. They still haven’t cut the cord, so channel surfing is fair game at their house. Somewhere between a news rerun and a Hallmark movie, I landed on Legally Blonde. And like any good millennial woman with a pulse, I stayed.
There are so many iconic one-liners in that movie, but one jumped out at me more than usual this time:
“What, like it’s hard?” Elle tosses it out casually when her ex is shocked she got into Harvard Law. It’s funny because, of course, getting into Harvard is hard—but for Elle, who believed in herself and stayed focused, it seemed…almost simple.
It got me thinking: do I treat parenting the same way?
I’m a single mom by choice to twins. Twin babies. Born early. NICU grads. Now toddlers.
And I’ll admit something that maybe I’m not supposed to say:
I don’t think parenting is as hard as people say it is. At least, not for me—not in the ways I hear other moms talk about.
Maybe that sounds flippant. Maybe it sounds naïve. But hear me out.
The Hard That I Know
Let’s be clear—I know hard. I’ve had the bone-deep exhaustion of NICU life. I’ve done every 3am feed by myself. I’ve changed two diapers in 30 seconds flat. I’ve juggled work deadlines, physical therapy appointments, and exploding pouches of baby food with grace and a bit of grit.
But here’s the thing: that’s all I’ve ever known. I didn’t ease into motherhood with one kid and a partner. I didn’t split nighttime duties or argue over who gets to “sleep in.” There’s never been another person to resent or rely on. I went in eyes wide open and shoulders squared, knowing it was on me.
Which is why I sometimes scroll mom groups and think—Wait, is the relationship the hard part?
Keeping Score Is Exhausting
Years ago, I did the Landmark Forum (don’t worry, I’m not here to convert anyone). But one lesson stuck with me: we keep score. Especially in relationships. You did this, so I should do that. I did this twice, so why aren’t you doing your part?
Scorekeeping is a fast track to resentment.
And in parenting partnerships, it seems almost baked in. You fed the baby three times, I changed five diapers. You got to go golfing last Saturday, I haven’t showered since Wednesday.
I wonder if some of what makes parenting feel so hard for couples is that they’re not just parenting—they’re negotiating, tallying, compromising, disappointing, and comparing. They’re trying to be co-CEOs of a wildly unpredictable startup with zero training and lots of bodily fluids.
And let’s be honest: most of us weren’t taught how to communicate in high-stress, high-stakes partnerships. We repeat what we saw growing up or rebel against it—and either way, it’s a steep learning curve.
Temperament Is a Real Thing
I also know I got lucky. My twins are happy, curious, and relatively easy. They eat well. They
Understanding development doesn’t erase difficulty, but it gives me context. When my daughter clings to me like a koala for days, I don’t spiral—I know it’s a normal phase, not a sign I’m doing something wrong.
There’s No One Right Way
Parenting isn’t universally hard or universally easy—it’s situational. It’s relational. It’s circumstantial.
For some, it’s hard because their child has complex needs. For others, it’s hard because their marriage is unraveling. For some, it’s hard because their own inner child is screaming for attention.
There’s data to back this up, too. Psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy (of Good Inside fame) often says that “how hard parenting feels has as much to do with our internal state as it does with our child’s behavior.” In other words: it’s not just what our kids do—it’s what those moments trigger in us.
So…What, Like It’s Hard?
Elle Woods may have been underestimated, but she never underestimated herself. She chose a path, tuned out the noise, and proved her critics wrong—mostly by refusing to play by their rules.
That’s how I feel about parenting. I didn’t follow the traditional route. I chose this life intentionally. And while it’s not easy, it doesn’t feel impossible—because I made peace with the weight of it before I picked it up.
Is parenting hard? Yes. But maybe it’s not as hard when you stop scorekeeping. When you stop comparing. When you trust yourself. When you read ahead and plan for the bumps. When you choose it fully.
So yeah—maybe, like Elle, I look at this chaos of twin-mom-single-mom life and think:
“What, like it’s hard?”
If this post made you nod, roll your eyes, or anything in between, I’d love to hear about it. Drop a comment or share it with another mom who might be keeping score—and deserves a clean slate.
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