Uncomplicated Momming

Because loving your kids means planning for the unthinkable.

When I decided to become a single mom by choice, I planned for a lot—childcare, sleep schedules, feeding plans, budgets, gear (so. much. gear). But the one plan that took the most emotional energy was the one I hoped I’d never need: my estate plan.

Estate planning sounds formal and overwhelming, but at its core, it’s just about answering one question:

If something happens to me, what happens to my kids?

It’s a question that hits hard. Especially when you’re parenting solo. There’s no “other parent” by default. There’s no obvious next step. And while many people procrastinate this kind of planning, for me, doing nothing wasn’t an option. Not with two tiny humans depending entirely on me.

Wills vs Trusts: What I Chose

I ended up creating a revocable living trust. Here’s the difference, in plain English:

• A will spells out your wishes after your death. It goes through probate (a public court process), and it names a guardian for your children and how assets should be distributed.
• A trust holds your assets while you’re alive and can help avoid probate. It gives you more control over how and when your kids receive money or property (like when they turn 25 instead of 18). It can also manage assets in case you’re incapacitated, not just after death.

I worked with an estate planning attorney who helped me sort through everything. Was it more expensive than DIY? Yes. But for me, it was worth having someone guide me through each step—and handle the paperwork I didn’t even know existed.

👉 Here’s a helpful breakdown of wills vs trusts from Nolo
👉 This Estate Planning Checklist by Caring.com is a great place to start if you’re just getting into this.

Short-Term vs Long-Term Guardians

This part caught me off guard: my attorney asked me to name not just a long-term guardian, but also a short-term caregiver—someone nearby who could take care of my kids immediately, in the hours or days it might take for the long-term guardian to arrive or for legal paperwork to kick in.

I’d never thought of that. But as a NICU mom who lives in a different state from some family members, I saw the wisdom in it.

So I made two lists:

• Short-term caregivers: close friends and local family I trust completely, who can swoop in if something happens unexpectedly.
• Long-term guardians: the people I believe are best suited to raise my children with values, routines, and stability if I’m not here to do it myself.

And yes—these weren’t easy choices. I was afraid of offending people I love. I was nervous someone might feel passed over or judged. But in the end, I reminded myself: this plan isn’t about anyone else’s feelings—it’s about what’s best for my kids. Period.

What I Included in My Estate Plan

For anyone wondering what an estate plan might include, here’s what I put together:

• A revocable living trust
• A will (yes, you still need one even with a trust)
• Guardianship designations (short- and long-term)
• A durable power of attorney (for managing finances if I’m incapacitated)
• A healthcare directive
• A letter of intent (a personal letter sharing routines, preferences, and what matters most in raising my kids)
• Beneficiary designations (updating these on retirement accounts and life insurance is crucial!)

DIY or Attorney?

There are great online tools if you’re starting out or have a simpler situation:

• Trust & Will
• Mama Bear Legal Forms
• Fabric by Gerber Life

I chose to work with an attorney because I wanted guidance specific to single parenthood, minor children, and setting up a trust. If that feels like a leap right now, starting online is better than waiting. You can always update later as life changes.

Yes, It’s Sad. But It’s Also Empowering.

I won’t lie—sitting down to imagine life without me in it was gut-wrenching. But when I signed those papers, I felt something surprising: peace. A quiet, deep breath that said, “I’ve done what I can.”

It’s not a fun plan. But it’s a loving one. And it’s a plan I hope my kids will never need. Still—I’m glad it’s there.

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Let’s Talk About It.

If you’ve made an estate plan as a single parent, what helped you decide what was right? If you haven’t started yet—what’s holding you back?

Let’s break the silence around this topic. Because planning for your kids’ future—even in the worst-case scenario—is one of the most powerful acts of love there is.