As a single mom by choice (SMBC), creating a strong support network is not just helpful—it’s essential. I’ve always been fiercely independent, preferring to handle things on my own. But motherhood has taught me that accepting help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a necessity. Here’s a bit about my journey and some tips on how you can start building your own village.
When I first announced my pregnancy through my holiday card in 2023, and later, more subtly on social media in early 2024, I expected the usual polite congratulations. What I didn’t expect was how many people genuinely showed up for me. Friends, family, and even acquaintances reached out, offering to help in ways I hadn’t imagined. It was both heartwarming and eye-opening.
Initially, it was challenging for me to accept help. As someone who prides herself on being self-sufficient, asking for assistance felt uncomfortable. However, I’ve slowly learned that allowing people to do things for us—whether it’s bringing over a meal, babysitting, or even something as simple as unloading the dishwasher—can be incredibly beneficial. It’s not just about lightening the load; it’s also about building meaningful connections and creating a community that loves and supports my twins and me.
One tool that has been invaluable in keeping my extended network in the loop is a program called 23snaps. This app allows me to share photos and updates about the twins with close friends and family, helping them feel connected even from afar. It’s a wonderful way to include others in our journey without overwhelming my social media feeds. It also provides a safe space for sharing more personal moments.
Sometimes, building your support network means being open to letting people in and accepting their help. In my experience, single moms by choice are often go-getters who are used to handling things independently. But being a mom is an exercise in acceptance, learning to delegate, and knowing when to say “yes” to the help that is offered.
That said, it’s important to set your boundaries and communicate clearly about what kind of support you need. Don’t be afraid to let people know how you’d like things done to avoid any misunderstandings or extra work on your part. People generally want to help in the way that’s most useful to you, but they might need a little guidance.
To all the SMBCs out there, remember: You don’t have to do it all alone. Building a support network takes time, trust, and a willingness to accept help when it’s offered. Embrace the community around you, set clear boundaries, and you’ll find that this journey of motherhood is much more manageable—and much more rewarding—when you have a village by your side.
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